MARIK: Hey Bakura, have you ever been to a cosplay photo shoot?
YAMI BAKURA: Not in a million years.
MARIK: Why not?
YAMI BAKURA: Well, I never really told anyone about this, but uh... I have costophobia.
MARIK: You mean you're afraid of being charged money for things?
YAMI BAKURA: No, I just have an irrational fear of people dressing up as fictional characters. You see, when I was a small child my parents dressed me up as Sailor Moon. As a joke no less! Let's just say it messed me up. Big time! Sometimes I wonder if that's why I'm so evil.
MARIK: But cosplaying is so much fun!
YAMI BAKURA: Try telling that to all the Sailor Scouts I murdered.
MARIK: In fact you might not know this Bakura, but a lot of people like to cosplay as Yu-Gi-Oh characters. And while there are some awesome examples of Yu-Gi-Oh cosplay out there, we think there are a few cosplays people are neglecting.
YAMI BAKURA: Yes, so we decided to highlight our Top 10 Most Wanted Obscure Yu-Gi-Oh Cosplays. No Bandit Keiths here, folks!
MARIK: Ahem. Number 10: Mind Crushed Seto Kaiba. Yes, we know, there are a lot of awesome Seto Kaiba cosplayers, but what we're talking about here is the Seto Kaiba after he's been mind crushed. In the Yu-Gi-Oh manga, Kaiba spent a good few chapters stuck in a wheelchair completely brainwashed. Imagine the amount of concentration you would need to pull this off. Bonus points if you have a Roland pushing you around the entire weekend.
YAMI BAKURA: Number 9: Zombie Yu-Gi-Oh characters. If Pride and Prejudice taught the world anything, it's that adding zombies to an already established concept instantly makes it better. We at Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged are big fans of the zombie genre, so it goes without saying that we'd love to see some classic cosplay spiced up with some zombie effects.
MARIK: Number 8: Anubis. Remember this guy? Neither do we! Which is why he deserves to be on this list! After all, he was the villian in the freaking Yu-Gi-Oh movie! Yet no one seems to want to cosplay the guy. I've seen more Paradox cosplayers than I've seen Anubis and that movie isn't even out on DVD yet!
YAMI BAKURA: Number 7: Legendary Heroes Do you recall the filler arc where the cast of Yu-Gi-Oh was sent to a virtual world? And then got forced to act out a bunch of fantasy role playing game cliches? They even had to dress up in humiliating outfits. And now it's your turn!
MARIK: Number 6: Season Zero Mokuba. But not just any Season Zero Mokuba -- to make this cosplay work you have to wear the douchy robe and surround yourself with a gang of dangerous kindergarteners who wield firearms for no apparent reason.
YAMI BAKURA: Number 5: Chopman -- Yu-Gi-Oh's answer to Leatherface. For those of you who didn't read the manga, Chopman was basically a serial killer in the employ of Seto Kaiba. He had a chainsaw. This alone is reason enough to want to cosplay him. Also, when people ask what anime you are from, you can tell them in a low murderous voice, "I'm from Yu-Gi-Oh." And then rev your chainsaw at them!
MARIK: Number 4: Dog Suit Joey. But of course the Dog Suit Joey cosplay isn't complete without Duke Devlin's cheerleader squad. Bonus points if the person in the Joey costume obeys any orders given by the cheerleaders.
YAMI BAKURA: Number 3: Zorc. Yeah. You heard me. Zorc. I dare you. The dragon penis alone would make you a legend among Yu-Gi-Oh cosplayers.
MARIK: Number 2 -- and this one's a doozy: Season Zero Yugi. I know what you're saying -- "That's easy!" But there's a catch. As we all know, Season Zero Yugi is subject to a lot of bullying. In other words, he gets his ass kicked in every episode. So in order to make the costume accurate, the longer the convention lasts, the more injuries he will have to sustain. On day one he'll be all cheerful and smiling, but on day two he shows up and his arm's in a cast and he's missing all his lunch money. It's disturbing but at least it's accurate.
YAMI BAKURA: And the Number 1 Obscure Yu-Gi-Oh Cosplay is... um, Marik? Is this right?
MARIK: Indeed it is, Bakura!
YAMI BAKURA: [groans] The Number 1 Yu-Gi-Oh Cosplay We'd Like To See is... Cowboy Marik and Pirate Bakura. I don't remember this being in the show. Was it in the manga? I never did get around to reading it.
MARIK: No, I made it up. But wouldn't it be the coolest thing ever? Me as a cowboy! And you as a pirate! Come on Bakura, show me your pirate face.
YAMI BAKURA: No!
MARIK: Perfect! God, I would give anything to be walking around in a cowboy hat and leather chaps. Spitting at random intervals and talking in a Texan accent. [In a southern accent] Ma'am? Excuse me Mistah Kaiba?
YAMI BAKURA: This is the worst idea ever! And as such, I wouldn't be surprised if people started doing it.
MARIK: [In a southern accent] I reckon so, Mistah Kaiba.
YAMI BAKURA: Uhh, should we mention that we'll be going to Youmacon again this year?
MARIK: No, let them figure it out for themselves.