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Cast (in order of appearance): Florence, Zorc Necrophades, Marik, Zombie Boy, Sid, Zygor, Bandit Keith

Date: 28 March 2009

Running Time: 7:27

Transcript Edit

Opening sequence, with Florence replacing Yami

FLORENCE: Previously, on Zorc and Pals...

ZORC: And now it's time to destroy the world. Again! (laughter from audience)

FLORENCE: Zorc, you destroyed the world over a dozen times now! I'm not sure how you even managed it, but it's starting to get rather dull...

ZORC: But you used to love it when I destroyed the world.

FLORENCE: Yes, it used to excite me, but now it feels as though that's all we have. It's like we don't really have anything in common anymore.

ZORC: That's not true. We both love genocide (laughter from audience), and crushing those who stand against us! (more laughter from audience)

FLORENCE: Zorc, there's someone else. (gasp from audience) I've started seeing another villain, and believe it or not he doesn't want to destroy the world.

ZORC: Well good, because I already did that. (laughter from audience)

FLORENCE: I'm breaking up with you, Zorc.

ZORC: This is the saddest day of my life... ("Ohh" from audience) I must find a way to express my misery!

FLORENCE: Let me guess... you're going to destroy the world? (laughter)

ZORC: Ye- No, I'm going to destroy the studio audience! FEEL MY WRATH!

FLORENCE: God, we are so cancelled.

title sequence: "Ave Satani" plays with clips of Florence with subtitled lyrics

It's the
Bakura show
He is

He's so evil
He once killed
A puppy
It was cute

"Yu-Gi-Oh! the abridged series" title appears and is covered by "The Bakura Show"

MARIK: Bakura! I command you to rise and shine, sleepyhead!

FLORENCE: Oh great, now the fangirls have started invading my dreams, too...

MARIK: WHAT!? It's me you fool! Do I look like a [EFF!]ing fangirl?

FLORENCE: You really don't want me to answer that. So did you finish defeating Yugi Muto yet?

MARIK: Yeah... about that... Err...'s on my "To Do" list.

FLORENCE: You failed miserably, didn't you? I knew it. And after I gave myself wanker's cramp.

MARIK: Never mind that. We have bigger problems then wanker's cramp, and I never thought I'd say that. It seems that 4Kids is trying to appease the fanbase by uploading the original Japanese episodes of Yu-Gi-Oh! to their YouTube account.

FLORENCE: What?! Why would they do such a thing?! They're pure evil! I mean, they make us look like a couple of pansies! They must be up to something; something truly sinister...

MARIK: Could it be... the prophecy?

FLORENCE: The Christopher Walken movie?

MARIK: No, not that, the other prophecy! The one that talks about 4Kids and how they'll bring about the end of the world.

FLORENCE: My God, you're right; we must act quickly! I shall have to defeat Yugi myself. In the meantime why don't you go buy yourself some more spray on tan?

MARIK: HEY [EFF!] YOU! This tan is one hundred percent genuine!

FLORENCE: Yeah, genuinely awful, you look like that woman from the Transformers movies.

MARIK: You mean Shia LaBeouf?

FLORENCE: That's the one.

At a graveyard

DUELIST: Oh, I just love my late night strolls through the local cemetery. Sure hope I don't get torn to pieces by zombies or something. Cos let me tell you that would be so annoying.

SID: Brains!

ZYGOR: Brains!

ZOMBIE BOY: Brains! (Subtitle: Braaaaains!)

DUELIST: My late night cemetery strolls are ruined!

ZOMBIE BOY: Brains! (That was easy)

SID: Yeah; all we had to do was buy a bunch of zombie masks, hide in a cemetery for about four days, and then walk towards a guy very, very slowly! It was the perfect plan! (holds up a bunch of locator cards)

ZYGOR: If only Bandit Keith could see us now; he'd probably feel really stupid for kicking us outta his gang.


BANDIT KEITH: What do you mean you guys don't like Armageddon?!

SID: Actually, boss, we don't like Michael Bay movies in general.

BANDIT KEITH: Oh, that does it! Mess with Michael Bay and you mess with America! I want you guys out of my country by tomorrow morning!

ZOMBIE BOY: Brains! (But this is Japan...!)

BANDIT KEITH: Every country in the world belongs to America!

SID: Then how the bloody hell are we supposed to leave?!

BANDIT KEITH: ...I don't know...

Florence walks along a street

FLORENCE: (thinking) I must discover the location of the Battle City finals...

STRANGE PERSON: And so she was like, "Oh my God!" And I was like "Ohh my God!" And she was like "Oh my Go-od!"

FLORENCE: You, strange person, tell me where I can find a Battle City duelist or I shall ravage you with my face.

STRANGE PERSON: Oh. My. God. What are you wearing?!

FLORENCE: You sound nervous; is it the accent? You want to know how I got it? My father was a drinker, one night he went a little crazier than usual, so my mummy got the teapot to defend herself. He didn't like that, so he pours boiling hot tea all over her. Then he comes at me with the teapot and he asks "Why so British?"

STRANGE PERSON: Ohmygod, they're at the cemetery, like I'm so sure.


FLORENCE: Honestly, why do we even have a graveyard in this show if nobody ever dies?


FLORENCE: Well at least you're not running zombies, because then you'd just look silly.

ZOMBIE BOY: Brains! (The irony!)

FLORENCE: Since you have almost all your locator cards and I only have one I suggest we play a winner-take-all card game. The victor goes to the Battle City finals.

ZYGOR: Don't worry Zombie Boy, this guy's a pushover. He's not even a main character.

SID: Yeah, he probably doesn't even have any decent monster cards.

FLORENCE: I summon Pyramid Head, in attack mode.

ZOMBIE BOY: Brains! (Frak!)

FLORENCE: I've taken this duel somewhere much worse than the Shadow Realm. I've taken it to Silent Hill.

SID: Come on, Zombie Boy, show this guy who really rules the survival horror genre.

ZOMBIE BOY: Brains brains, brains brains brains! (I summon Nemesis!)


"Rule The World" by Take That plays. Hearts appear around Pyramid Head and Nemesis, they move closer in front of a background of a sunset over a grassy field, and... black screen

[censored for
zombie smooching]

NEMESIS: Stars...

SID: Bloody hell, are they kissing?!

ZOMBIE BOY: Okay, I've had just about enough of this. I quit!

ZYGOR: Zombie Boy! You can talk!

ZOMBIE BOY: Of course I can talk; I studied at Cambridge.

ZYGOR: Duhh... I thought you studied at Zombie School?

ZOMBIE BOY: Yeah, the "Cambridge School for Zombies". Look it up.

SID: Well then how come all you've ever said to us is "Brains"?

ZOMBIE BOY: Oh gee, let me think. Maybe it's because it's in the f*cking script!? It's highly degrading and I'm not gonna take it anymore. Oh, there was a time when zombies were respected, those were the days when George Romero didn't suck and the undead never broke into more then a stumble. And then along came 28 Days Later and suddenly we're being replaced by "the infected". It's a joke. ("The Star-Spangled Banner" starts playing, an American flag appears in the background) Well, I'm taking a stand; not for me, but for my zombie brethren. We shall not shamble quietly into the night for we are--

shot sounds, a bullet hole appears in the middle of Zombie Boy's head

ZOMBIE BOY: Brains... (Ouch.)

SID: Did you just shoot him in the 'ead?

"INVISIBLE GUN" with an arrow pointing to Florence's hand

FLORENCE: It's the only way kill an over-acting zombie. I suppose that makes me the winner.

ZYGOR: Yeah! But we'll get you next time, right Zombie Boy? (silence) Oh yeah, he's dead, I forgot.

FLORENCE: (Thinking) Excellent, now I have enough locator cards to enter the finals. (Spoken) You know I've rather enjoyed having my own episode. It almost makes up for being thoroughly neglected for the past two and a half years.

Pyramid Head is humping Nemesis in the background, Nemesis says "Stars" over and over again

FLORENCE: Pyramid Head! Stop humping Nemesis! I knew I should have had him neutered...

"Ave Satani" by Gregorian plays

[zorc & pals
finale > battlestar
galactica finale]


KAIBA: (Looking at poster for Dragonball: Evolution) This can't be real, there's no way. This piece of [bleep] has got to be a fake.

Post-ending: 4Kids headquarters

BOARD MEMBER #1: It seems Bakura has moved against us.

BOARD MEMBER #2: Just as the prophecy predicted.

BOARD MEMBER #1: Should we take him out?

BOARD MEMBER #3: No, now nothing can stop us. Soon shall fall and then this world will come to an end. It. Is. Inevitable.


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