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Cast (In order of appearance): Mai, PaniK, Yugi, Joey, Bakura, Yami, Tea, Tristan

Date: September 18, 2006

Running Time: 4:13

Transcript Edit


YAMI: Who keeps throwing these cards at me? It's not funny, you know! Stop it!

Dueling Field

MAI: (as her three Harpie Ladies are destroyed) No! My Harpies! (Closeup on Mai as her Life Points go down to zero) I can't believe I lost!

PANIK: Maybe next time you'll put more than three monsters in your deck. (holds out hand in offering) I'll be taking your star chips now.

YUGI: (runs onscreen with the others) Super Special Awesome Rescue! (They stop in front of Mai, who has just stepped down from her duel podium.) We heard screaming, is everyone okay?

MAI: I lost another duel.

YUGI: You were screaming because of that? What are you, five years old?

MAI: It was very distressing!

JOEY (being pushed back and forth by Tristian and Bakura): We were trying to sleep! Honestly, this is exactly why I hate blonde people!

BAKURA: Calm down, Joey, you bloody yank!

PANIK: (pulling up Mai by the hand) She was my easiest victim yet. Her huge breasts were no match for my enormous chin.

YUGI: Don't worry, Mai. Since I'm the main character, it'll be a cinch for me to win back your star chips. (His Millennium Puzzle glows) Time to recycle my sexy transformation sequence.

(The Shaft theme song plays as Yugi transforms into Yami)

YAMI (points at Panik): It's time to duel, sucker! Can you dig it?

JOEY: That Yugi's one bad mother--

TÉA & TRISTAN (offscreen): Shut your mouth!

JOEY: I'm just talking about Yugi.

TÉA & TRISTAN (offscreen): Then we can dig it!

(Neon Genesis Evangelion opening theme plays, with a montage of clips from Yu-Gi-Oh!, and the following subtitles:)

The card game's thesis

(Kaiba's Duel Disk opening, the words "DUEL DISK", Yugi going through his deck, the word "CARDS", Yami holding a card with a bunch of his monsters behind him, a chest with the Millennium symbol sitting on a table, Kaiba in front of his Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon, Pegasus's Millennium Eye, the words "SUPER SPECIAL AWESOME", Yami at the end of his sexy transformation sequence)

will soon be set in defense mode

(the word "MONSTERS", Domino City with the sun rising over it, the word "DOMINO", the Kaiba Corp. building, the words "KAIBA CORP", one of Kaiba's scientists, a computer screen, Mokuba with a headset on, another of Kaiba's scientists, a whole room of scientists, a random goon, another goon, a card with Grandpa on it, the Big Five, Gozaburo Kaiba, Tristan's gravestone, Yugi and Yami's heads behind an outline of Yami, a card with Mokuba on it, Pegasus)

with surging, hot life-points

(Yugi looking in a mirror, the words "GAME KING YUGI", Joey taking a card from his hand, the words "BONKOTSU DUELIST JOEY", Téa, Tristan, Bakura, Duke Devlin, Rebecca Hawkins, Obelisk the Tormentor, Blue Eyes White Dragon launching an attack, Dark Magician coming out of the Mystic Box)

if you activate a trap card

(Kaiba, kid Joey running, Serenity, the Millennium Puzzle, the words "DUELIST KINGDOM", a glowing Yami outline with the Millennium symbol on his forehead, a satellite, Kisara, Priest Seto, Pharoah Atem, the word "ATEM", Mai, another computer screen, Téa, four hands with a face drawn on them)

Embracing the Swords of Revealing Light

(Yugi looking down, it zooms out to show Yami standing back-to-back with him, then zooms out more from his eye)

young boy, play some card games

(the "Yu-Gi-Oh! the abridged series" logo appears in front of an ancient stone carving)

Dueling Field

PANIK: It looks like it's my lucky day, Yugi! Pegasus has offered a vast reward to anyone who can eliminate you from the tournament.

YAMI: Yeah, maybe you could use the money to buy yourself a voice that doesn't frighten small children.

PANIK: I'll teach you to make fun of me! (he pushes a button and mechanical cuffs grab Yami's legs)

YAMI: Hey, these things must come in handy.

(Panik presses another button and flames shoot at Yami, while "Disco Inferno" plays)

MAI: Yugi's in big trouble!

JOEY: I agree with Mai's boobs!

TRISTAN: This is the worst vacation ever!

PANIK: Hahahahaha! It's so much fun being a bully!

YAMI: You know something, chin-face? You look like the illegitimate offspring of Jay Leno and Tim Curry.

PANIK: (summons the Castle of Dark Illusions) With the Castle of Dark Illusions on my side of the field, my monsters will be hidden from sight, making things much easier to animate.

YAMI: (Summons Winged Dragon, Guardian of the Fortress 1) I cast magic missile at the darkness, revealing your side of the field.

BAKURA: I say, that was a superb strategical move at a critical juncture!

JOEY: Who the hell said you could hang out with us?

PANIK: Thrill as I set all my monsters in Defense mode. Stalemates are very exciting.

JOEY: Gee, this is a really lousy episode. It reminds me of our spin-off show, "Yu-Gi-Oh! DMX".

Clips from Yu-Gi-Oh! GX, including portions of its title sequence, play along to DMX's "X Gon' Give It to Ya"

JOEY: Honestly, who would want to watch a cartoon about a bunch of rap artists playing card games?

TRISTAN: Hey, I like that show!

JOEY: Touch me again, Tristan, and you're going home in a body bag.

YAMI: With my Catapult Turtle, I can launch my Dragon Champion toward your castle, shattering its flotation ring, thereby causing it to collapse on top of your monsters.

BAKURA: This card game is a load of bollocks!

PANIK: If I can't beat you, Yugi, then I'll kill you instead!

(Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" plays while Panik causes the duel field to engulf Yami in flames)

PANIK: Why aren't you dead?

YAMI: As I explained earlier, I'm the main character. You, however, can just go right ahead and die. Mind Crush! (He mind crushes Panik, then the flames disappear) Bullying is just wrong. Destroying people's brains with magical powers is a-okay!

MAI: Can I have my star chips back now?

YAMI: Only if you beg me. Come on, get on your knees.

MAI: ...You're kidding, right?

YAMI: Did I stutter or something? Bark like a dog, woman!

End. Neon Genesis Evangelion ending theme ("Fly Me to the Moon") plays

CAPTION: [can you dig it?]

Stinger: Téa dances to Michael Sembello's "Maniac" and Yami looks bored

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