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Cast (In order of appearance): Kaiba, Yami, Yugi, Bakura, Pegasus, Croquet, Joey, Tristan, Téa, Bandit Keith

Date: September 28, 2006

Running Time: 5:19

Transcript Edit


YAMI: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... just kidding, it's only Yu-Gi-Oh!...

Kaiba is flying a helicopter towards Duelist Kingdom

KAIBA: (thinking) I have to reach Pegasus's island. Fortunately I can pilot a helicopter. Thank God for Microsoft Flight Simulator. Once I get there, I'll probably bump into Yugi. I'll never forget the way he beat me in a card game. I can remember it like it was just yesterday.

flashback to a scene from the original Yu-Gi-Oh! anime

YAMI: Wait a moment, did you just summon a bunch of monsters in one turn?

KAIBA: Yeah, so?!

YAMI: That's against the rules, isn't it?

KAIBA: Screw the rules, I have green hair!

End flashback

KAIBA: (thinking) Huh. Well, that was just weird. I should probably cut down on the drugs.

Title sequence

On the island

YUGI: Look, Bakura, your Millennium Ring is acting really peculiar!

BAKURA: Oh, that's just my Gaydar. My father had it installed in my Millenium Ring in order to protect me, because I look so bloody effeminate!

YUGI: I wonder why it's pointing towards Pegasus's castle?

BAKURA: Bugger if I know.

In the castle

PEGASUS: This tournament is simply fabulous! Ooh, let's celebrate by watching the Spice Girls movie! (holds up said movie)

CROQUET: Oh, not again...


BAKURA: I say, that reminds me of the time when I was transferred into your school.

Flashback, in the school

TEACHER: Kids, this is our new student, Bakura. Not only is he new here, he's also British, so feel free to bully him like crazy.

BAKURA: Hello, everyone! It's bloody nice to meet you!

KID 1: What's wrong with his voice?

KID 2: Is he a girl?

KID 3: Go back to Russia!

KID 4: I wanna go home.

BAKURA: You blokes are a bunch of wankers.

Yugi and Joey are dueling

JOEY: (plays a card) Checkmate! I sunk ya battleship!

YUGI: Joey, you redefine what it means to be a moron.

BAKURA: (voice-over) I was watching you play card games with your mates, when my Millennium Ring started pointing towards your Millennium Puzzle! I can't imagine why.

YAMI: This Millennium Puzzle is simply fabulous!

End flashback

BAKURA: By the way, where are the others?

YUGI: Joey and Tristan are busy guarding Téa. For some reason, ever since we got back from the Shadow Realm she's been under the impression that she's a caterpillar.

TÉA: (thinking) Soon I'll be a beautiful butterfly, and then Yugi will love me.

Kaiba's helicopter lands

BAKURA: Oh, my! A helicopter! I wonder who it is?

TRISTAN: I hope it's Santa Claus!

YUGI: Look, it's that guy I defeated in the first episode without even breaking a sweat! Hey loser, how's it going?

KAIBA: I'm here to kick ass and play card games, and I'm all out of cards.

YUGI: Here's your deck, Kaiba. By the way, I've forgiven you for hospitalizing my Grandpa. Can we be Super Special Awesome Friends now?

KAIBA: Like hell. I don't have time to waste with you Scoobies. No offense Yugi, you're a great duelist and all, but your buddy over there couldn't duel his way out of a paper bag.

JOEY: That does it! Nobody talks about my pal Tristan like that. (grabs Kaiba by the collar)

KAIBA: I don't like to be touched by people who don't have money. (throws him on to the ground)

JOEY: Nyeh-eh-eh!

YUGI: Joey are you okay?

BAKURA: (subtitle: [actual 4Kids dialogue]) Check his pulse, Yugi!

JOEY: It's time to duel, ya big palooka!

KAIBA: This looks like the perfect opportunity to stroke my ego. (holds out a briefcase) Behold, the Briefcase of Death! This contains the prototypes for my revolutionary new Duel Disk system. So tell me, Wheeler, are you ready to be completely emasculated in front of your friends?

JOEY: I was born ready, Kaiba! (launches the Duel Disk) Go, Armored Lizard!

YUGI: I think Beyblade's gonna sue somebody.

KAIBA: Battle Ox! Axe Smash attack!

JOEY: You duel like a dairy farmer!

KAIBA: How appropriate: you duel like a cow!

TÉA: Joey's sucking even worse than usual!

BAKURA: Keep a stiff upper lip, Joey!

JOEY: (summons the Red-Eyes Black Dragon) So, here's this Giant Enemy Dragon!

KAIBA: (summons the Blue-Eyes White Dragon) Blue-Eyes! Attack its weak point for massive damage!

KAZ HIRAI: (voiceover) Riiiiidge Racer!! (the Red-Eyes is destroyed)

KAIBA: That cost you 599 U.S. Life Points.

JOEY: No! I lost!

KAIBA: Oh, cry me a river, mutt. You dweebs don't know what you're up against. Pegasus is ruthless. Camp, yet ruthless. I've seen it with my own eyes. It was at a surprisingly popular card game tournament in America.

Flashback to the tournament

KAIBA: (voiceover) Mokuba was supposed to be there with me, but since he'd been kidnapped for about the fiftieth time that month, his seat was empty. Pegasus was facing the inter-continental champion, Bandit Keith, who apparently likes to remind everybody that he's from America.

KEITH: You can't beat me because I'm an American!

KAIBA: (voiceover) See what I mean? It looked like Keith was about to win, but then suddenly Pegasus invited some kid from the audience to their table.

KEITH: Hey, what are you doing? Asking for help's illegal... in America!

PEGASUS: I don't need help, a child could beat you, Bandit Keith, and I'm going to prove it!

SAM: Are you my mommy?

KAIBA: (voiceover) Pegasus gave the kid some instructions, and in just one turn Bandit Keith had lost. Who would have thought that a child could win a children's card game?

KEITH: This can't be happening... in America!

PEGASUS: I've turned this tournament into a total farce!

CROWD: Hooray!

End flashback

YUGI: And just what was that story supposed to prove?

KAIBA: It proves that I'm obscenely rich. Smell you geeks later. I have a hyperactive brother to rescue. (leaves)

TRISTAN: I didn't even get to tell him what I want for Christmas!

In the window of the castle

PEGASUS: Oooh, I can sense you, Kaiba-boy. And once you get here, I'm going to spice up your life!

End. The Spice Girls' "Wannabe" plays

[tristan wants a pony, by the way]

[i think adult swim's gonna sue somebody]


YUGI: Oh, my gosh, we're in trouble! What are we gonna do?

YAMI: I'm going to do my laundry! Could I have some change?

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